Frequently Asked Questions
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QUESTIONS
I am involved in sexual sin...
- Is viewing pornography really a sin?
- I've been living a sexually immoral life; am I still saved?
- Is masturbation really a sin?
- I have completely messed up my life. Is there any hope for me?
- What about the consequences?
My spouse is involved in sexual sin...
- Why has my husband/wife betrayed me? Doesn't he/she love me?
- How can I get him/her to change?
- What have I done wrong for him/her to do this to me?
- I constantly think about the anger/hurt; I can't get it out of my mind. What can I do?
ANSWERS
Is viewing pornography really a sin?
Yes, pornography is a sin. The word "pornography" comes from the greek word "porneia". In the New Testament, this word is used around 30 times (and is translated "fornication" or "sexual immorality" depending on the bible version).
Flee porneia. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits porneia sins against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18
For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from porneia
1 Thessalonians 4:3
Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: porneia, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
Colossians 3:5
Many people try to justify viewing pornography because they feel that they are not harming anyone, and that it is not truly adultery, either because they are single or because there is no actual physical contact between two people. These arguments were addressed very plainly by Jesus:
You have heard that it was said to those of old, "You shall not commit adultery." But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:27-28
Viewing pornography is looking upon a woman with lust for her, and Jesus compares this directly with committing adultery with her.
I've been living a sexually immoral life; am I still saved?
The debate over whether one can lose His salvation has been going on for centuries, and the arguments for both sides of the issue are equally compelling. It is not the purpose of this ministry to decide this debate. However, the Bible is very clear about willful sin and losing our relationship with God.
If we say that we have fellowship with Him, and walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.
1 John 1:6
We should also remember about our need to abide in Christ or face dire consequences.
If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.
John 15:6
If Jesus returned while you were satisfying your flesh, would you welcome Him with open arms or would you turn and run from Him in shame and embarrassment? Once again, we don't know for sure if your salvation would be lost or not, but why take chances? You can be sure of your salvation and your right standing with God if you stop now, confess your sins to Jesus, beg Him for His precious gift of repentance, and submit your will to His.
What is wrong with masturbation or self-gratification if it keeps me from pursuing illicit sexual relationships? Besides, the Bible never mentions it as sin, right?
That line of thinking is neither Biblical nor scriptural and certainly not logical. It's like trying to justify the use of pot to keep from getting intoxicated on alcohol! One sin does not cancel out another, and self-gratification is sin.
Self-gratification is an act of self-pleasure, corrupting a holy gift that God gave to man to be used according to His law of marriage. Every man/women who is in bondage to self-gratification started out with a "first time." Like all sexual immorality, it leaves you empty, unfulfilled and wanting more and more. You live for your flesh, to please it, to answer at its beck and call. This leads to bondage. And this has dangerous consequences. Jesus promises to satisfy our every need! Let's go after pleasure in Him!
So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
Romans 8:8
For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
Romans 8:13
I have completely messed up my life and the lives of the people I love. Is there any hope for me?
Yes, definitely! Our hope is in Jesus and Jesus alone.
For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.
John 3:17
He died for us while we were yet sinners – even those of us who have engaged in willful sin while professing to be Christians – to save us from our sins and to give us hope of a right relationship with Him.
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8
But true grace moves us to wards a holy life (Titus 2:11). True grace moves us to turn our backs on our sin, stop living for our flesh, turn our lives over to Jesus and start living for Him. There is always hope for those who place there trust in the Living God. No matter what we did, he came into this world to save sinners like you and me.
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.
Romans 8:1
But what about the consequences? My world has come crashing down around me and I am scared.
There are consequences to our sin, and this is why our gracious God has warned us to stay away from sin and sinful activities. Not because he wants to take the "fun" out of our lives, but because he knows it will lead to destruction and death.
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 6:23
No matter what happens, no matter what the cost of your sin, as you put your trust completely in the Lord, and make Him your treasure, seeking to bring glory to His name, and learning to love Him with all your heart, you will be at peace. Yes, the consequences may hurt for awhile or they may be life-long repercussions. God has a purpose in all things.
Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, The days fashioned for me, When as yet there were none of them.
Psalm 139:16
He has a plan for our lives. His plan may not be our plan, and things may not work out the way we want. But when we understand that he loves us, and we begin to see things as he sees them, we come to realize that His ways are perfect.
I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
John 10:10
Why has my husband/wife betrayed me? Doesn't he/she love me?
The betrayal comes from the sexual sin. Sin has betrayed you, the bondage has betrayed your spouse. Only until the bondage is dealt with, through complete submission to Christ, will the betrayal stop. Although it does seem as though your spouse doesn't love you, you must remember that he/she is in a very sinful habit. A person set free will tell you that no matter how much they may have loved and wanted to please you, their love for the bondage was stronger. It is only by putting the Lord completely in control of the situation and radically amputating the sin through Jesus Christ will there ever be success. Your spouse does love you but at this point until he/she give up their sinful bondage to Christ for Him to completely heal them, they will love the bondage more.
Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27
How can I get him/her to change?
As a spouse we want to help our loved one so much. It is hard to see them hurting and not being able to "fix" it. Sometimes it just seems like an up hill battle only to fall down and start all over again! But the truth is, we can't help them by ourselves. We need to direct our spouse to the One who can change their life, Jesus Christ.
What have I done wrong for him/her to do this to me?
You have done nothing wrong. Sinful bondages can happen in the best of marriages. Remember, it is not about something we may have done, but about the hold a bondage can have on a spouse. It will control every aspect of their lives, even to the point of failing a marriage. But our job now is not to let that happen, we are to follow Jesus, put our hope and trust in Him and walk along side our spouse to help them be freed of this gripping sin.
God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.
Psalm 46:1
I constantly think about the anger/hurt; I can't get it out of my mind. What can I do?
It is incredibly hard to learn of a loved one with a sexual bondage. Playing it over and over in your mind though will only cause you undo stress. It will enslave you to the point of making you a prisoner of angry, sinful thoughts. "I can't stand him. I don't want to work this out. I want everyone to know what a jerk he is." We must remember that in Christ there is a renewed hope in every brand new day. He will help us to keep our focus on the future, not on the hurt of the past.
Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old.
Isaiah 43:18
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret - it only causes harm.
Psalm 37:8
Now, when thoughts of doubt, fear, anger, selfishness, past hurts or anything that does not honor God concerning my spouse comes into my mind, God makes me aware.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on these things.
Philippians 4:8